Robert's Journal

The Queen, Queen Elizabeth, Queen of the United Kingdom and Australia, has died.

I

The Prime Minister of Australia announces this news to the nation.

“My fellow citizens, I have to inform you that Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, has died after a short illness. The cabinet has met and we have decided that we will not be reappointing the House of Windsor as our royal family. A decision on the future of a monarchy, if any, in Australia will be decided in due course. All State Governors are forthwith dismissed and in the interim, the Chief Magistrate of each state will take over their duties. The office of Governor General is also being made redundant and their duties will be carried out by the Chief Justice of Australia.”

II

“Fuck” said the Prime Minister, “I'm late!”

“Something important?” asked the Prime Minister's bed companion.

“Just the swearing of allegiance ceremony”

“What?”

“Where I'm supposed to bind Australia to the British Monarchy. We're supposed to do it for all new kings and queens.”

“So you missed it, because you wanted another fuck. Is it a big deal?”

“Not sure. Not a lot of precedence for either the ceremony or what happens if you don't do it, the swearing bit, I mean.”

“Well, why not come back to bed and we can have another fuck and then you can ask one of your advisors. Come on, I want you again.” She pushed back the bedclothes to expose herself. “Come on, I'm waiting”.

The Prime Minister of the day was not an ardent loyalist and had enjoyed a really good night. He returned to bed.

The headlines the next day in the News of the Daily Mail “Oz Traitors – Australians refuse to swear loyalty oath.”

From there it just escalated to the point where no Australian action could save the situation. So the Australian Prime Minister went home and appointed himself as Head of State indefinitely. Which annoyed a few people who wanted to be Head of State themselves. But he got the Army to send them to Norfolk island so all was well.

III

Introducing the Search for the Head SA; with competitors from every State.

The Head SA – Head of State of Australia.

Competitors will have to survive a number of elimination challenges to gauge their fitness to be the next Head SA. Contestants will have to be able to speak for five minutes without saying anything; sign State Papers without reading them and announce winners with appropriate adjectives. The  final decision will be made by the people of Australia in a telephone vote following a live performance by the final five contestants at the Meyer Music Bowl. The winner will become the Head of State of Australia for the next five years. 

The Search for the Head SA is proudly sponsored by Channel 9 and the AFL

Applications open now.

IV

“Your Majesty, we seem to have a problem”

“And…”

“It's like this. When we sent out requests to the various Commonwealth countries to send someone to attend your coronation and to pledge allegiance to your majesty, someone in the Commonwealth Office made a mistake. We've banished him now to the Falkland Islands, but…”

“What happened?”

“We sent the invitation to Austria instead of Australia”

“Seems no big problem. Just explain to the Austrians what happened and get the Aussies here instead. They'll understand.”

“That's the problem or problems. The Austrians are pleased to accept the invitation and become part of the Commonwealth, better than Europe they say, not so many rules and better Games. And the Australians are extremely upset and have gone off in bit of a huff and are preparing a referendum to become a republic and leave the Commonwealth.”

“Bother. Can't we send the Aussies somebody, to persuade them to change their minds? What are Anne's girls up to this week?”

“We've thought of that. Everybody is tied up with the coronation. And the Austrian delegation have already arrived in London.”

“Bother!”